im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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