how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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