separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
