I am in a vortex of obligation.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
