If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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