my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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