she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
