So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
