do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
