My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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