I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
