I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
