Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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