I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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