So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
