after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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