if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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