Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
