It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's blow job season.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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