My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
