im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
