Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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