oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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