Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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