So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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