hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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