you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize