If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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