I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
