Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
