so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
