I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Congratulations! We have a period
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
