I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
