i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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