My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
