Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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