I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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