I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
