I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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