now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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