No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
