I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
