For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize