Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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