Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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