I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
