"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
