just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
