I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize