did you get engaged???
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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