i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
