I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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