You're completely useless in the revolution.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize