This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
