One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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