Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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