I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your penis caused this!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
