I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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