Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
