We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At least life still wants to fuck me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize