I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
