Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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