Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
