My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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