You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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