I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
