Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize