..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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