morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
