Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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