I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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