If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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