You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just come out here and I will go home with you...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
