turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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