I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
