You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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