Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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