just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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