I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
