Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
